Brilliantly Bad Ideas [Chaz/Ansel]

[Celephai]

Some would say that there are only good ideas and bad ideas. Some would say there are ideas so unbelievably bad that they should never, ever be done even under the best of circumstances and for a large financial reward. Few enough know that there are ideas which, at their very inception, physically injure the one who comes up with it.

Somehow, Celephai had managed one of these.

She had heard, though channels she would never speak of, that there existed in a temple infested with horrors unspeakable, an idol to an old god which trapped the spirits of a thousand undead warriors, and within it there lay a soul stone harvested from a great champion eons old.

Celephai decided she wanted the soul stone, and promptly felt like someone had swiftly kicked her in the stomach.

Of course, she wasn't quite stupid enough to go on such a suicidal quest alone. No, she decided to invite an acquantence (read: meat shield) and the priest of a local church (read: human sacrifice), via means of scrawling, in chalk, upon their respective doors, the words: 'Meet at signpost just outside of town. Vast material wealth. Very little risk.'

She wasn't very good at invitations, but maybe they'd fall for the ploy.

[Ansel]

When Ansel finished services, suddenly one of the Children ran up to him and pulled him to the church's door

"Brother Ansel! There's been something written on the church's door, with... Chalk? I think it might be for you!

Ansel reads the message carefully and then rubs his beard, thinking

"Well, it sounds to like a trap to us. However, the church is in need of funds, and whoever wrote this must be desperate. Therefore, we will answer the summons. Brother Samuel, you and some of the other Children who are free at the moment clean this up and look after the church while we are gone."

The other man nods the Ansel and shakes his hand, and then goes back into the church, emerging later with a sponge and water

"As you wish, Brother."

Ansel then goes inside and gathers up is equipment, a look of pure bliss on his eyes as he places on his gauntlets. Having suited up properly, he exits the church once more and makes his way to the signpost at the edge of town. Once there, he leans against it and just looks around, waiting for the mysterious contact to arrive

[Chaz]

He wasn't sure who would write on his door. Or why him. What kind of work could he do that anyone would want? Maybe it was something technical. Something he could easily do. Really, he doubted it. But perhaps it was worth it to look into. He had plans, ideas for something to give to Nikole when she had to go, and it would take a lot of money.

SPOILER: Click to show

He was washing the chalk off of the door, trying to get it off before Nikole woke up, when he heard her inside the smith, murmuring slightly as she descended the stairs to the bottom floor. He poked his head in, waving with a hand that was soapy and wet.

Morning, kitten! Just, uhh...cleaning the door here.

Nikole cocked her head sleepily and marched up to the door from the inside, trying to push it open.

Why? Did something happen to it?

No, nothing happened, punkin. Go get some breakfast, I'll be in in a moment.

You don't just wash doors, daddy. You barely wash the house.

You aren't old enough to make fun of daddy's hygiene.

She pushed against the door, and Chaz put his foot against it, and spoke through the crack in the door slowly.

No. Just go get something to eat.

There's something you don't want me to see.

Possibly. Shouldn't you trust me on that?

You don't trust me enough to tell me how you hurt your arm.

He paused, set his jaw.

You're seven. I think you can listen to me.

I think I'm old enough to see some scribbling on the door, daddy. Is it a bad word? I know bad words, I was in the tavern and someone said--

Okay. Okay. You win.

Regretting taking her into the tavern, he opened the door and let her see the half-washed door. Some of the writing was still legible. At least the first part was. She looked at it, then up at him.

Are you going somewhere?

Chaz let out a sigh and scooped her up, into his metal arm, carrying her into the house.

Maybe. Just to look. You can stay with Mrs Havers.

She smells funny.

Let's not be rude, kitten. But if I can make some money, I can help you get home, and help your mother take care of you.

Even though Anri was fully capable of taking care of her, it didn't occur to him to not help her.

It's just for a little bit. I promise I'll come home with something nice. Okay?

Nikole looked up at him, then down at his arm. Then she threw herself onto him and wrapped her small arms around around his neck.

Don't get hurt again, daddy.

He choked up a little, smiling and patting her back softly.

I won't. I promise. Let's...get breakfast, kitten. We'll take about it more later.

-----

So it was that he found himself at the sign, stuffed to the gills with his flamer and other tools. He was the second one to arrive, and approached the shadowy man, clearing his throat.

Uh...are you...the person who wrote on my door?

[Celephai]

Celephai had perched on a tree branch overhanging the signpost, watching two carefully as they approached. The shady-looking man she had seen going into and out of the Church of Zalgo, and he seemed rather ostentatious to her. The cat-eared one she'd had a hunch about, but she wasn't really sure. Seeing him now, in the daylight, she nearly recognized him.

Unfortunately, a rather upset squirrel had decided it was time to take action, and crawled down Cel's cloak.

"AIEE! Foul rodent I shall rip the- EEEEEE -Oof!"

She landed off to one side as she tumbled from the tree, the perpetrating squirrel beating a swift retreat back to its home. Cel was left to slowly pull herself together, picking herself up from a most embarrassing entrance.

"A-ah... Ahem... well... I am the one who called both of you here. See, I am in need of assistance in retrieving- Charles. Charles is that you?"

She eyed him up and down.

"You've... grown. A-ah I wasn't sure. Just a guess really. How've you been?"

Cel seemed to ignore Ansel as she examined the cathian.

[Ansel]

Ansel had turned toward Chaz when he showed up, and was about to answer his question when Cel dropped from the tree, denouncing a squirrel. At first, he was merely surprised, and opened his mouth to greet her

"Hello there, Mis-"

Suddenly, as what he's seeing sinks in, his eyes widen and he quickly makes a very complicated hand gesture in front of his chest. He stops in place and just continues to stare, expression unreadable excepts for the shock and wonder.

"What on in Zalgo's name is she. We have never seen such a... creature... Is she one of the 'elder things' we have heard of in books and legends? That would make her a form of relative to Zalgo, would it not? This may be the closest thing to Zalgo we ever meet in the flesh. We MUST speak more to her in private... We will not miss this opportunity.


(things in both italics and quotes are thoughts, just for those who've never seen my weird style ;P)

[Chaz]

There was a long moment where he stared....and then took a staggering step back in surprise, tensing up at the flood of memories. He stared up at her, face a mask of anxiety.

Miss Celephai! I...I didn't...recognize...

Nervously he ran a hand through his hair, making his ears slick back to his head.

I'm...okay, uh. Sort of. Nikole's...good. Seven now, nearly eight.

He shook his head, seeming to get serious.

Th-this isn't...like...last time, is it? Easier? Because I don't know what happened last time, and it bothers me that we just happened to end up on the surface, especially after that thing...

[Celephai]

"No-no! I promise this will be mostly free of anything unusually dwarfy in involvement."

She stepped back, deciding to swiftly change the topic of conversation. Cel glanced to Ansel, whom seemed rather shocked to see her. Heh, religious types never really did appeal to her.

"I'm Celephai... ah, this is Charles Hire, inventor and engineer. Now, I assure you, though my form may be horrifying to look upon, I assure you: I was just born of a better race than yours."

"Now, more to the point, I need to... extricate something from a place that does hold certain... hazards but! these hazards can be minimized with the skills that you each posses. Now, let's see..."

That should have put most of their fears at bay. She pulled out a crumpled piece of parchment, unfolding it and examining the paper intently. It was a very crudely drawn map, written in a very uncommon language.

[Ansel]

Finally managing to compose himself, Ansel puts on a smile and bows to both Chaz and Cel in turn

"Greetings brother Charles. We are Brother Ansel of the Children of Zalgo. We look forward to working with you today. As for you, sister Celephai, we must reject your proposal that your form is 'horrifying'. We serve Zalgo, and as such as not as bothered by differences or chaotic elements as many others."

While he speaks, Ansel sticks out a hand to both Chaz and Cel when he greets them, doing his best to keep the claws in a position to not slice open their hands if they were to take him up on the offer

[Chaz]

Chaz let out a strained sigh and wiped his face with one hand, giving Ansel his metallic one to shake. His tail whipped nervously, partially as he realized the man was a priest of some god, but mostly because of seeing Cel again. She was plenty horrifying, really, but not so much that he didn't keep it to himself. Nervous as he was, he was still polite.

Look, I hope when you mean minimized you mean very minimized. I'm not doing anything dangerous, not with a little girl waiting for me. What is this thing you want to get?

[Celephai]

Celephai gave Ansel a strong tentacle to shake, her focus still remaining on the map.

"Oh, don't worry, I've got a little larva to take care of as well. So don't worry, we're in very similar situations. Just as well, we're not getting any kind of artifact of doom, or sun-in-a-jar, or any little thing like that. We'll be fetching a pebble no larger than an eyeball. Human-sized eyeball at that!"

She continued studying the map exhaustively. Finally sighing in frustration.

"...and we can be off as soon as I figure out which way is north on this thing."

[Chaz]

Chaz stared at her a second.

You want us to go on some quest to get some thing and you can't even read a map?

Then he paused, letting the first part sink in. He raised both hands.

Woah, woah, hold on. Larva? Like...a...you have a kid? I didn't know that was possible.

[Ansel]

Ansel marvels silently at the tentacle, but keeps his mouth shut, deciding that he probably shouldn't come off as creepy. He looks at the map and chuckles a bit

"North is usually the direction either marked with an N, or the direction at the top when you can read the words on the map without turning your head. And it isn't actually a human eyeball is it? Beause that would raise a whole new host of questions..."

[Celephai]

"I don't see an 'N'. There isn't one, it's just a buncha squiggles!"

She held it out for them both to see, hoping one of them could decipher the bizarre map. In truth, it looked almost entirely unlike any landmass any of them had seen, but there were a few minor things: A particular parcel of land that had been sectioned off by a large outline did seem remotely familiar. It was obvious to anyone who knew their history (I.E. Anyone with a point in Lore), that this was not a map from a recent time.

Nonetheless, to their west, there was a point of particular interest that Cel was likely speaking of, marked as a strange (but very much identifiable) obelisk.

[Ansel]

Ansel studies the map for a second, rubbing his beard.

"It appears to us like this is an old map, although we couldn't begin to guess just how old... We do see an obelisk off to the west, or at least what I think is west, that seems to be of interest..."

He then scratches the back of his head and shrugs

"We are not a historian however, so we may be entirely wrong. What do you think brother Charles?"

[Chaz]

It's...a really old map. Really old.

He leaned into it, studying it.

I guess...that's west, yeah. Is that what we're heading towards? What is it?