"Oh, please... it's not like th- Ah. Yeah, I see your point. Well, the invitation is still open, if you're ever willing. So, any stories or big plans with you?"
Celephai seemed rather unimpressed with Margrett's statement.
"Aah... Well I knew you were determined, but you almost sound vindictive about it. What was it I heard in the Dreamlands? 'Be careful, ye hunters of demons, lest ye become demons yourself?' Just don't get too... obsessed. Really, having a child made me look at things differently, and I think you should take a very good look at what you want from life. I'm not saying go start trying to have a kid, but do some... evaluating."
Cel's voice fluctuated between genuine concern and playful teasing.
"Fine, fine, alright... look, you've forced my hand. It's, what time is it? Well, probably close enough- Come with me."
With that Cel dragged Margrett back out into the sewer tunnels, this time leading out to a rainwater runoff toward the docks. As they arrived, the sun was just disappearing over the horizon, stars and moon just barely beginning to show in the sky.
"Alright, look, uh... okay. Imagine an existence devoid of intelligent life. In fact, imagine a- um, a world with no living thing apart from plant matter. Okay, now, what does, er... that," Cel pointed to the sky, "What does that mean to it? The plant is given sustenance by the sun, but that's about it. A plant cannot give it meaning any more than an ant can comprehend how the sun works. It simply is to them!"
Cel seemed almost agitated, maybe even upset.
"This thing you've been given, consider it a gift or a curse, is a card you've been dealt. I know some elder gods that aren't as graced with it. It's a genuine struggle to see things as you do. You can think without certain rules that bind others. If the entirety of existence is in a box, you can think about what is outside of that. That is a weapon most of those elder things don't have, imagination, religion, purposes of meanings- Existential questions! Questions just for the sake of asking more questions!"
"You think there's nothing to it? You think there's nothing to want from life but to help people? Do you really know how to help people? What about the people you imprison? The people whose meals come from selling illicit materials? What about the deeper issues, like why people resort to those means? Oho, the suns themselves will be extinguished long before those issues are solved..."
"You want something to evaluate? Evaluate what life means to you, and if you find an answer, then you're not as intelligent as I had figured. Plants, after all, don't really care if the sun rises. Many people take that for granted. You want to know why I wanted to bring my masters- my progenitors, to this place? To bring that enlightenment to your mortal races. To really give them perspective on themselves. Well, maybe to be revered as a demigod, too, that'd have been great, but more to the point..."
"You, Captain Margrett Mikael, are like the fish who has lived his whole life in a tidepool, and now, after many years, the tide is coming in. The people you seek to save, some of them enjoy their suffering. Not consciously, of course, but they find their own prisons, be it their minds, their prejudices, their habits, it matters not. By their very natures, they are defined by struggle: That is how they transcend themselves. That is how exemplars of society, revered as geniuses and heroes, are born and made. They, through suffering, gain enlightenment."
Celephai took a few deep breaths, the stream of words as unrelenting as an autumn storm. As she regained her composure, Cel just looked to Margrett, as if expecting something.
She looked off to the sunset, listening, unmoving, her face blank. Her eyes were distant, cold, but had an edge of iron. But her voice was sad and quiet when she answered, still not looking at Celephai.
I've had my suffering. I was seven when they first clapped me in irons, eight when I got the tattoo that claimed me as a number in a lord's property. Years and years passed before I held the paper claiming me a free woman. My father fought to free me, himself, some of the others. When he died, that became what life meant to me. Any evaluation's been done. Over and over and over, every drop of blood spilled, everything I blacked out and remember deep down, every time I remember his sacrifice. Thing is, I'm not here for myself. Sure, I may have fun. But I'm here to make sure that never. Happens. Again. She took a deep breath.
Not in Wistvale. I don't run this place. I don't need to. But as long as I breathe people aren't going to take advantage of one another like that in my town, and wherever I see it. This is where I've put my foot down. I don't decide how people run their lives. I don't make judgements on people. I know the law, and the law is what we've made of it. It's what's made this place as safe as it is. She looked to Cel, daring her to disagree.
And it's all I have left. If I stop moving, if I stop making sure of what I believe, as flawed or as meaningless as it is, I don't have anything to live for. Nothing left to lose. Having an answer is the only reason I keep going. Keep your questions, squid. I don't need to be a hero. I just need to know what I'm doing is right.
Last Edit: Jun 24, 2012 23:57:32 GMT -5 by Margrett
Celephai raised an eyebrow, but otherwise seemed completely calm.
"Do what is right, hm? Do what is right in the eyes of the law? Does that mean upholding the law when a woman steals to feed her children? Or does it mean struggling to uncover the ones who, quite legally, have impoverished her? What does it mean, Margrett? What law can constrain the very soul?"
Cel's expression sagged slightly, to one of both sorrow and pity.
"And you can't treat the source, just the symptoms... I get it, Margrett. I just... I guess I just wanted you to see what I see, even for a brief few moments. I thought maybe you'd... I don't know, figure something out about yourself."
She shook her head, biting her lip hard enough to leave a mark.
"I want so much to show you what you're up against, really, but fixing the wills of all men- It takes something so truly impossible, so much more evil than themselves..."
I don't care what I'm up against. I've seen it, and I don't care. She still stared at the water.
I'm not trying to fix all men. I'm just trying to make it a little better for people. Someone has to. If I die having made even half the people in Wistvale safe and happy, I've done my job. After a moment she gave Celephai an honestly curious look.
"Labyrinths and cages, maybe. I don't know, maybe some hermit on a mountain can explain this... Margrett, what is a 'normal human'? What is a person who, by birth, is limited in their capacity to achieve? What happens when someone, so immersed in a community that believes itself and its members utterly unable to rise above itself, utterly transformed?"
Celephai took a brief moment to stare down at her drink, which she had carried with her.
"...I've been drinking too much of this stuff. Gah, does nothing for you, does it?"
She looked up at Margrett, smiling.
"Crab bucket. It's like a... bucket of crabs. That's what it is... all of it. One tries to rise up, the rest just pull 'em down. Another one comes to the top of the pile, and the cycle continues."
Cel seemed less and less coherent and focused, almost as if she were getting drunk, but her motor skills seemed unimpaired.
"It's time for me to sleep, things are getting darker. Margrett, whatever happens, they need to save themselves. It can't always be you. Hand over the candle, all that..."
She turned, slowly, shuffling back inside. Cel didn't seem impaired in any way, but was being unusually careful about her movements.
Margrett's last words stuck with her. Maybe she was too far outside, never able to fully integrate with the people here...
Cel wandered into her home, collapsing carefully into the pile of blankets and pillows that served as a bed, curling her arms around the one thing she was really certain of: Enda.
Maybe she never would make any sense. Would her goals, her motivations be lost if she ever had the strength to make her wishes come true?
Thoughts continued to cannibalize themselves in her mind as she slowly passed into unconsciousness, leaving her only with troubled dreams and half-finished thoughts.
Last Edit: Jun 25, 2012 11:01:02 GMT -5 by Celephai
She let the squid get to her daughter and her sleep, watching the sun set, trying to let herself think. Cel had challenged her, and although her iron will hadn't faltered, it might have rusted a bit.
She walked home in the dark, doing one more patrol before she went to bed.
((Thanks Cel. Was fun to get back into it with you.))
